Downers Grove, IL

Thursday, February 18, 2010

It's February 19th and time for…What a week! From Valentine's Day to Chinese New Year, to President's Day to Mardi Gras, to Ash Wednesday to today, the birthday of Nicholas Copernicus who would have been 543 years old. And all of this occurred while we were glued to the Winter Olympics.

Personally I have been enjoying the curling competition where "athletes" slide a big stone on the ice towards a target while trying to not spill their beer or let their cigarette go out. It's quite inspiring.

* The Marquis De Sade Petting Zoo – In Ft. Myers, Florida, a petting zoo set up their tent in a shopping center parking lot. The next day however, one of their exhibits was missing. Someone stole a nine and a half foot python from the petting zoo and it leads me to wonder, what the hell kind of a petting zoo has a python? Unless I miss my guess, pythons prefer squeezing to being petted but somebody took a chance and stole the snake. The other exhibits in the petting zoo including a porcupine, a skunk, a wolverine, and a rabid bat were untouched.

* News From Around The World –First stop is the United Kingdom where Daniel Cambridge from Burton, in the east of Staffordshire, was fired from his job for breaking wind. Daniel worked at Waterstone's book store and had a tendency to pass gas a lot. In fact, 35 of his colleagues complained about his flatulence. He blamed it on his anti-depression medication but the people he worked with said he spent most of the day walking around and saying, "Here, pull my finger."

In a non-related yet equally nauseating story, a survey done in London claims that 25% of Londoners wash their bed sheets an average of only three times per year. So if you like abundant flatulence and dirty linens, England is your vacation destination.

In Italy, the public broadcasting network dropped popular cooking show "Ready, Steady, Cook" because its host, Chef Beppe Bigazzi presented a recipe for stewed cat. The chef said people have been eating cats for centuries and he just updated an old recipe. Chef Bigazzi is now off the air in Italy but is considering offers for a new show on the Beijing People's Network called "How To Wok Your Dog."

* Must Be Something In The Water – People in Florida are different from the rest of us and it must be something in the water or an over exposure to the sun. In Brunnell, Florida, a 45-year-old woman showed up at the Flagler County jail demanding a conjugal visit. She was late for her scheduled visitation appointment and even though that was just a "meet and greet" through heavy glass, this woman wanted to get conjugal. She was quite drunk and demanding sex when police ordered her out of the station. She finally left, got into her car, and was immediately arrested for DUI. At least she got what she asked for because she is really screwed now.

Dale Irvin

Professional Summarizer

Downers Grove, IL

630-852-7695